Chris Gardner: The homeless man who became a multi-millionaire investor

When Chris Gardner and his young son were sleeping rough on the floor of a public toilet, he could never have dreamt that his life story would be turned into a hit Hollywood movie.

It was back in the early 1980s that Mr Gardner, then aged 27, and his toddler son were homeless for a year in San Francisco.

Enrolled on a low-paid trainee scheme at a stock brokerage, he didn't have enough money to raise the deposit to rent an apartment.

So Mr Gardner, who was estranged from his partner, and Chris Jr would instead sleep wherever they could.

In addition to the toilet at a railway station, they'd bed down in parks, at a church shelter, or under his desk at work after everyone else had gone home.

They ate in soup kitchens, and what little money he had was spent on putting his son in day nursery so he could go to work.

Despite this adversity, Mr Gardner thrived in his job. A natural at selling stocks and shares, at the end of his training period his firm, Dean Witter Reynolds (DWR), made him a full employee.

Finally able to rent a home for himself and his son, his career then rapidly ascended into the stratosphere, and in 1987 he opened his own investment firm, Gardner Rich.

Hollywood comes calling

Today Mr Gardner, 62, is worth an estimated $60m (£48m), travels the world as a motivational speaker, and sponsors a number of homeless charities and organisations that combat violence against women.

Mr Gardner's autobiography was turned into a hit movie

Add the fact that Mr Gardner had a very troubled childhood, and served time in prison immediately before the internship at DWR, and you can understand why Hollywood came calling when he was writing his best-selling autobiography The Pursuit of Happyness (the misspelling is deliberate).

The movie of the same name was released in 2006, and Will Smith was nominated for a Best Actor Oscar for his portrayal of Mr Gardner.

Looking back on his life, Mr Gardner tells the BBC that he "wouldn't change anything".

"I went through pain as a child so my children wouldn't have to," he says. "I made a decision as a five-year-old boy that my kids will know who their father is.

"The rest of my destiny came forward because I made the right choices."

Inspirational mother

Born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Mr Gardner never knew his real father.

Instead he was brought up in poverty by his mother Bettye Jean and a physically abusive, alcoholic stepfather.

Chris Gardner with Will Smith, who played him on the big screen

There was also a period spent in a foster home after his mother, in a fit of despair, tried to kill her partner.

Despite the woes of his childhood, Mr Gardner says his mum was an inspiration.

"I have one of those old-fashioned mothers who told me every single day, 'Son, you can do or be anything that you want to do or be.'

"And I believed it, I bought into it 100%."

He adds that one day as a child he was watching a college basketball game on TV when he commented that one of the players would make a million dollars.

"My mum said, 'Son, one day it will be you who'll make a million dollars.' Until she said those words the thought had never entered my mind."

Chance encounter

The million dollars didn't arrive immediately however, and after graduating from high school he spent four years in the US Navy.

After an honourable discharge in 1974 Mr Gardner moved to San Francisco where he started selling medical equipment.

His life then changed completely when he saw a man parking his red Ferrari one day, and Mr Gardner asked him what he did for a living.

Mr Gardner and his son saw some tough times in San Francisco

The man was a stockbroker called Bob Bridges, and after the two got talking, Mr Gardner expressed an interest in joining the industry.

They met again, and Mr Bridges helped Mr Gardner secure an interview for an internship.

However, in the days before the interview at DWR Mr Gardner was arrested and jailed for non-payment of parking tickets.

He was ultimately able to make the interview, but only in the clothes he was wearing when he was arrested, which included trainers and a vest.

Despite the scruffy attire, his sense of drive and enthusiasm was enough to get him the job.

Re-evaluating life

Six years after the release of the movie, Mr Gardner's life changed again in 2012 when his wife died from cancer aged just 55.

It made him re-evaluate what he wanted to do for a living, and after three highly successful decades in finance he decided on a complete career change.

"Some of the last conversations [my wife and I] had were her saying to me, 'Now that we can see how truly short life can be, what will you do with the rest of your life?'

Mr Gardner has built a new career as a motivational speaker

"When you have that conversation, that changes everything. I've said that if you're not doing something that you're passionate about, you're compromising yourself every single day."

So realising that he didn't want to work in investment banking any longer, he reinvented himself as a motivational speaker and author.

'Amazing testament'

He now spends 200 days a year travelling the world speaking to packed audiences in more than 50 countries.

Scott Burns, a director at US investment firm Morningstar, says that Mr Gardner "is just an amazing testament of fortitude".

He adds: "You can be down and out, but only as down as you let yourself be."

Mr Gardner believes he disproves the theory that we are all products of our childhood environment.

"According to that school of thought I should become another alcoholic, wife-beating, child-abusing, illiterate loser."

Instead he says he made his own positive choices thanks to the love of his mother and support from other people.

"I chose light, from my mother, and from others with whom I don't share a single drop of blood, and I embraced it."

Original article from http://www.bbc.com/news/business-38144980

What your sleeping position reveals about your personality

We've found a simple test which can reveal a lot about who you are. It's really straightforward. Examine the picture below and select the position which you think you sleep in most of the time.

If you can't fall asleep without sticking your knees out whilst lying on your side, then you're a calm and reliable person. It's not easy to offend you, and you're not scared of the future. You smile even on the most miserable winter morning, and can adjust without problems to virtually any changes which occur in your life.

If you mainly sleep in the fetal position, then you often feel the need to be protected, understood and sympathised with. By curling up in this way, you try to cut yourself off from the problems you face in the world around you. The perfect outlet for your talents and potential would be to paint pictures, learn to dance, or write a blog.

If you sleep lying on your stomach with your arms and legs sticking out, then you are a leader. You are impulsive and take the initiative, and make sure there is order in both your personal and professional life. You most likely prefer to plan everything in advance and aren't a fan of surprises. You're ability to persevere and sense of responsibility help you to achieve great success.

If you sleep lying on your back, then you are most likely a positive person who loves life, who is used to being at the centre of attention and loves good company. You work stubbornly and persistently, but in a rational way, preferring to always tell the truth. People who sleep in this position often have very strong personalities.

If you sleep like a soldier at attention, lying on your back with your arms at your sides, then you're probably a well-adjusted person, who knows what their goals are in life and single-mindedly strives to achieve them. You can be strict, pedantic and demanding, but you demand most from yourself above all.

If you sleep like a heron, with one leg raised, then chances are you have an unpredictable personality which is often drawn to all kinds of adventures, whilst your mood can change so fast it can be confusing for those around you. Very often, you find it difficult to be decisive and make a choice. On the whole in work and in life in general, you have a preference for stability, peace and quiet, and thoroughness.

And if you sleep in different poses rather than one, then that's a sign that you have a multifaceted personality which has hidden depths not even you yourself fully comprehend yet.

Original article from https://brightside.me/article/what-your-sleeping-position-reveals-about-your-personality-17255/

How Mentally Strong Are You? 27 Questions That Will Help You Find Out

There are many misconceptions about what it means to be mentally strong. At its core, mental strength is about regulating your thoughts, managing your emotions, and behaving productively, despite whatever circumstances you find yourself in.

Building mental strength is similar to building physical strength. You need to develop healthy habits and give up the things that rob you of mental strength.

Assessing mental strength isn't quite as simple as assessing physical strength, however. You can tell a lot about how physically strong someone is likely to be simply by looking at them. A big bicep probably means that person can lift some weight.

But you can't tell if someone is mentally strong based on a quick glance. Much of what determines mental strength happens on the inside.

Honest self-reflection is the key to building mental strength. Knowing your strengths and being willing to work on areas that need improvement can help you become mentally stronger.

How Well Do You Regulate Your Thoughts?

The conversations you have with yourself play a major role in your overall well-being. While everyone uses harsh self-criticism at one time or another, talking to yourself like a trusted friend is the key to building mental strength.

It's important to think realistically. Overly negative thoughts can prevent you from taking productive action. But overly positive thoughts can be harmful too, because you might be unprepared for the realities you face.

Ask yourself these questions to assess your mindset:

1. What inaccurate conclusions do I draw about myself?

2. What types of things do I beat myself up over?

3. What excuses do I let myself make?

4. What's your definition of success?

5. What do I tell myself when I fail?

6. What is my self-worth based on?

7. What do I think when I'm rejected?

8. What type of self-doubt do I experience?

9. When do I become overconfident?

How Well Do You Manage Your Emotions?

Contrary to what some people believe, mentally strong people don't suppress their emotions or ignore their pain. In fact, they are acutely aware of their emotions and they recognize how those emotions impact how they think and how they behave.

They face uncomfortable emotions, like fear or anxiety, when doing so helps them reach their bigger goals. Rather than escape or avoid discomfort, they use healthy coping skills to deal with distress.

Ask yourself these questions to assess your ability to manage your emotions:

10. How do I respond to emotional pain?

11. Which emotions sometimes get the best of me?

12. Which fears prevent me from reaching my greatest potential?

13. Which emotions do I avoid the most?

14. When do I feel happiest?

15. Which emotions lead me to behave out of character?

16. What strategies do I use to boost my mood when I'm down?

17. Can I recognize when my emotions are starting to get out of control?

18. What do I do when I notice I'm starting to feel sorry for myself?

How Well Do You Keep Your Behavior Productive?

Building mental muscle is all about knowing when to change your behavior versus when to change your environment. So while there may be times you can work on self-discipline to help you better resist temptation, there may also be times when you need to change the environment so you can be your best self.

Sometimes, productive behavior involves doing things you don't feel like doing. At other times, it's all about performing a behavioral experiment so you can prove your negative predictions wrong.

Developing mental strength will help you overcome obstacles and respond to hardship in a more effective manner. It will also help you make the best choices for yourself, even when those decisions aren't popular.

Ask yourself these questions to assess your behavior:

19. When do I give up too soon?

20. When do I keep going longer than I should?

21. Do I recognize when my behavior isn't in line with my values?

22. Do I take care of my body well so my mind can be at its strongest?

23. Which mistakes do I make over and over again?

24. When do I seek short-term solutions that lead to long-term problems?

25. What prevents me from taking action toward the goals I want to achieve?

26. Do I devote my time and energy to things I believe are most important?

27. How do I sabotage myself?

Building Mental Strength

Everyone has the power to build mental strength. And no matter how mentally strong you are already, there's always room for improvement. Develop daily habits that make you mentally strong and strive to become a little better today than you were yesterday.

Original article from http://www.inc.com/amy-morin/how-mentally-strong-are-you-27-questions-that-will-assess-your-mental-strength.html

You're the Driver

Plan versus Reality

Ship Story

Be Careful of Your Words

13 things mentally strong people don’t do

Navy SEALs possess extraordinary mental toughness

Mental strength isn’t often reflected in what you do.

It’s usually seen in what you don’t do.

In her book, “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” author Amy Morin writes that developing mental strength is a “three-pronged approach.”

It’s about controlling your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.

Here are 13 things mentally strong people do not do, according to Morin.

This is an update of an article originally written by Steven Benna.

1. They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves

“Feeling sorry for yourself is self-destructive,” Morin writes. “Indulging in self-pity hinders living a full life.”

It wastes time, creates negative emotions, and hurts your relationships.

The key is to “affirm the good in the world, and you will begin to appreciate what you have,” she writes. The goal is to swap self-pity with gratitude.

2. They don’t give away their power

People give away their power when they lack physical and emotional boundaries, Morin writes. You need to stand up for yourself and draw the line when necessary.

If other people are in control of your actions, they define your success and self-worth. It’s important that you keep track of your goals and work towards them.

Morin uses Oprah Winfrey as an example of someone with a strong grip on their power. Winfrey grew up dealing with poverty and sexual abuse, but “she chose to define who she was going to be in life by not giving away her power,” she says.

3. They don’t shy away from change

There are five stages of change, Morin writes: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance.

Following through with each of the five steps is crucial. Making changes can be frightening, but shying away from them prevents growth. “The longer you wait, the harder it gets,” she says, and “other people will outgrow you.”

4. They don’t focus on things they can’t control

“It feels so safe to have everything under control, but thinking we have the power to always pull the strings can become problematic,” Morin writes.

Trying to be in control of everything is likely a response to anxiety. “Rather than focusing on managing your anxiety, you try controlling your environment,” she says.

Shifting your focus off the things you can’t control can create increased happiness, less stress, better relationships, new opportunities, and more success, Morin writes.

5. They don’t worry about pleasing everyone

Oftentimes, we judge ourselves by considering what other people think of us, which is the opposite of mental toughness.

Morin lists four facts about constantly trying to be a people-pleaser: It’s a waste of time; people-pleasers are easily manipulated; it’s OK for others to feel angry or disappointed; and you can’t please everyone.

Dropping your people-pleasing mindset will make you stronger and more self-confident.

6. They don’t fear taking calculated risks

People are often afraid to take risks, whether it’s financial, physical, emotional, social, or business-related, Morin writes. But it comes down to knowledge.

“A lack of knowledge about how to calculate risk leads to increased fear,” Morin writes.

To better analyze a risk, ask yourself the following questions:

—What are the potential costs?

—What are the potential benefits?

—How will this help me achieve my goal?

—What are the alternatives?

—How good would it be if the best-case scenario came true?

—What is the worst thing that could happen, and how could I reduce the risk it will occur?

—How bad would it be if the worst-case scenario did come true?

—How much will this decision matter in five years?

7. They don’t dwell on the past

The past is in the past. There’s no way to change what happened, and “dwelling can be self-destructive, preventing you from enjoying the present and planning for the future,” Morin writes. It doesn’t solve anything and can lead to depression, she writes.

There can be a benefit to thinking about the past, though. Reflecting on the lessons learned, considering the facts rather than the emotions, and looking at a situation from a new perspective can be helpful, she says.

8. They don’t make the same mistakes over and over.

Reflecting can ensure you don’t repeat your mistakes. It’s important to study what went wrong, what you could have done better, and how to do it differently next time, Morin writes.

Mentally strong people accept responsibility for the mistake and create a thoughtful, written plan to avoid making the same mistake in the future.

9. They don’t resent other people’s success

Resentment is like anger that remains hidden and bottled up, Morin writes.

Focusing on another person’s success will not pave the way to your own, since it distracts you from your path, Morin writes.

Even if you become successful, you may never be content if you’re always focusing on others. You may also overlook your talents and abandon your values and relationships, she says.

10. They don’t give up after the first failure

Success isn’t immediate, and failure is almost always an obstacle you will have to overcome. “Take, for example, Theodor Giesel — also known as Dr. Seuss — whose first book was rejected by more than 20 publishers,” Morin writes. And now Dr. Seuss is a household name.

Thinking that failure is unacceptable or that it means you aren’t good enough does not reflect mental strength. In fact, “bouncing back after failure will make you stronger,” Morin writes.

11. They don’t fear alone time

“Creating time to be alone with your thoughts can be a powerful experience, instrumental in helping you reach your goals,” Morin writes. Becoming mentally strong “requires you to take time out from the busyness of daily life to focus on growth.”

Here are some of the benefits of solitude Morin lists in her book:

—Solitude at the office can increase productivity.

—Alone time may increase your empathy.

—Spending time alone sparks creativity.

—Solitary skills are good for mental health.

—Solitude offers restoration.

12. They don’t feel the world owes them anything

It’s easy to get angry at the world for your failures or lack of success, but the truth is no one is entitled to anything. It must be earned.

“Life isn’t meant to be fair,” Morin writes. If some people experience more happiness or success than others, “that’s life — but it doesn’t mean you’re owed anything if you were dealt a bad hand.”

The key is to focus on your efforts, accept criticism, acknowledge your flaws, and don’t keep score, Morin writes. Comparing yourself to others will only set you up for disappointment if you don’t receive what you think you’re owed, she says.

13. They don’t expect immediate results

“A willingness to develop realistic expectations and an understanding that success doesn’t happen overnight is necessary if you want to reach your full potential,” Morin writes.

Mentally weak people are often impatient. They overestimate their abilities and underestimate how long change takes, she says, so they expect immediate results.

It’s important to “keep your eyes on the prize” and relentlessly work towards your long-term goals. There will be failures along the way, but if you measure your progress and look at the big picture, success will become attainable.

Original article at http://www.businessinsider.my/mentally-strong-people-2015-11/?r=US&IR=T#sLGQi7ZUDvl5tY8i.97

Never Forget on the Way Up

Two Things that Define You

Thinking Trap

Some days

Simply Be There

Win or Learn

Little people

Leaders Invite

Facing challenges

Distance Yourself

Albert Einstein Quotes

The Lost Wallet, A Great Love Story

As I walked home one freezing day, I stumbled on a wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up and looked inside to find some identification so I could call the owner. But the wallet contained only three dollars and a crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there for years.

The envelope was worn and the only thing that was legible on it was the return address. I started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue. Then I saw the dateline–1924. The letter had been written almost 60 years ago.

It was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on powder blue stationery with a little flower in the left-hand corner. It was a “Dear John” letter that told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael, that the writer could not see him anymore because her mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would always love him.

It was signed, Hannah.

It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except for the name Michael, that the owner could be identified. Maybe if I called information, the operator could find a phone listing for the address on the envelope.

“Operator,” I began, “this is an unusual request. I’m trying to find the owner of a wallet that I found. Is there anyway you can tell me if there is a phone number for an address that was on an envelope in the wallet?”

She suggested I speak with her supervisor, who hesitated for a moment then said, “Well, there is a phone listing at that address, but I can’t give you the number.” She said, as a courtesy, she would call that number, explain my story and would ask them if they wanted her to connect me.

I waited a few minutes and then she was back on the line. “I have a party who will speak with you.”

I asked the woman on the other end of the line if she knew anyone by the name of Hannah. She gasped, “Oh! We bought this house from a family who had a daughter named Hannah. But that was 30 years ago!”

“Would you know where that family could be located now?” I asked.

“I remember that Hannah had to place her mother in a nursing home some years ago,” the woman said. “Maybe if you got in touch with them they might be able to track down the daughter.”

She gave me the name of the nursing home and I called the number. They told me the old lady had passed away some years ago but they did have a phone number for where they thought the daughter might be living.

I thanked them and phoned. The woman who answered explained that Hannah herself was now living in a nursing home.

This whole thing was stupid, I thought to myself. Why was I making such a big deal over finding the owner of a wallet that had only three dollars and a letter that was almost 60 years old?

Nevertheless, I called the nursing home in which Hannah was supposed to be living and the man who answered the phone told me, “Yes, Hannah is staying with us.”

Even though it was already 10 p.m., I asked if I could come by to see her. “Well,” he said hesitatingly, “if you want to take a chance, she might be in the day room watching television.”

I thanked him and drove over to the nursing home. The night nurse and a guard greeted me at the door. We went up to the third floor of the large building. In the day room, the nurse introduced me to Hannah.

She was a sweet, silver-haired oldtimer with a warm smile and a twinkle in her eye. I told her about finding the wallet and showed her the letter. The second she saw the powder blue envelope with that little flower on the left, she took a deep breath and said, “Young man, this letter was the last contact I ever had with Michael.”

She looked away for a moment deep in thought and then said softly, “I loved him very much. But I was only 16 at the time and my mother felt I was too young. Oh, he was so handsome. He looked like Sean Connery, the actor.”

“Yes,” she continued. “Michael Goldstein was a wonderful person. If you should find him, tell him I think of him often. And,” she hesitated for a moment, almost biting her lip, “tell him I still love him. You know,” she said smiling as tears began to well up in her eyes, “I never did marry. I guess no one ever matched up to Michael…”

I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator to the first floor and as I stood by the door, the guard there asked, “Was the old lady able to help you?”

I told him she had given me a lead. “At least I have a last name. But I think I’ll let it go for a while. I spent almost the whole day trying to find the owner of this wallet.”

I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown leather case with red lacing on the side. When the guard saw it, he said, “Hey, wait a minute! That’s Mr. Goldstein’s wallet. I’d know it anywhere with that bright red lacing. He’s always losing that wallet. I must have found it in the halls at least three times.”

“Who’s Mr. Goldstein?” I asked as my hand began to shake.

“He’s one of the oldtimers on the 8th floor. That’s Mike Goldstein’s wallet for sure. He must have lost it on one of his walks.” I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the nurse’s office. I told her what the guard had said. We went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed that Mr. Goldstein would be up.

On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, “I think he’s still in the day room. He likes to read at night. He’s a darling old man.”

We went to the only room that had any lights on and there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to him and asked if he had lost his wallet. Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in his back pocket and said, “Oh, it is missing!”

“This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if it could be yours?”

I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he saw it, he smiled with relief and said, “Yes, that’s it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this afternoon. I want to give you a reward.”

“No, thank you,” I said. “But I have to tell you something. I read the letter in the hope of finding out who owned the wallet.”

The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. “You read that letter?”

“Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah is.”

He suddenly grew pale. “Hannah? You know where she is? How is she? Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell me,” he begged.

“She’s fine…just as pretty as when you knew her.” I said softly.

The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, “Could you tell me where she is? I want to call her tomorrow.” He grabbed my hand and said, “You know something, Mister? I was so in love with that girl that when that letter came, my life literally ended. I never married. I guess I’ve always loved her.”

“Mr. Goldstein,” I said, “Come with me.”

We took the elevator down to the third floor. The hallways were darkened and only one or two little night-lights lit our way to the day room where Hannah was sitting alone watching the television. The nurse walked over to her.

“Hannah,” she said softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me in the doorway. “Do you know this man?”

She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but didn’t say a word. Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, “Hannah, it’s Michael. Do you remember me?”

She gasped, “Michael! I don’t believe it! Michael! It’s you! My Michael!” He walked slowly towards her and they embraced. The nurse and I left with tears streaming down our faces.

“See,” I said. “See how the Good Lord works! If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

About three weeks later I got a call at my office from the nursing home. “Can you break away on Sunday to attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie the knot!”

It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the nursing home dressed up to join in the celebration. Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked beautiful. Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall. They made me their best man.

The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever wanted to see a 76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old groom acting like two teenagers, you had to see this couple.

A perfect ending for a love affair that had lasted nearly 60 years.